Sunny Side Up

Yesterday we went to watch the Pro Cycling Championships in Chattanooga. Amazing experience. If you dig cycling, and are close enough, go next year.

We were hanging out, had gone to the expo and gotten freebies of all sorts, and were grabbing water/lemonade for the grumpy butt, hot, tired Hobbes-it in the downtown viewing area bier garten. The boy and I were hanging out on the grass in the shade, passively watching on the jumbotron, when a guy who had obviously been racing walked up with his bike and sat down in the grass. I initially assumed he had raced in the crits earlier, but as he hung out, I realized he had decided to bow out of the race.

Me being... well... me... often if I've had a bad ride, I can get grumpy and kind of want to be left alone. And so leave him alone, I did. Another fellow sat down near me, too, obviously in the same situation. So, instead of talking to them, and offering them a slice of pizza or something, I just sat there.

One of the volunteers walked up soon, and asked the fellow behind me if he'd like something other than what was in his water bottles to eat, handed him some cash, and the guy was really grateful. So I felt kind of bad.

I ended up talking to both of them, and both had the same things to say when I talked to them about their rides that day, their performance, and how they felt about it. They weren't mopey. In fact, both told me something like, "It happens..." or "I thought it might happen..." when they told me about where they train and their expectations for the day.

Paul later made the point to me that they were of the lucky (not lucky... you make your own damn luck.) few who had even crossed the start line that day. Gratefulness for the accomplishments you already achieved...

But it made me think about how I approach rides that are tough on me. When I consider how I should act, I should conduct myself as a champion, and take what I'm given, and smile and nod. Game face on, outside and inside. Being mentally strong isn't about covering up a whining inside with a smiling outside... it's about shutting out the whiner deep inside, when it's mile 70 and I'm really starting to hurt. That happened Sunday. I think I actually pushed through well, breathing, maintaining mental clarity and physical form. That doesn't always happen for me... and I need to take notes from the pros I chatted with and just roll with the punches and know it isn't always going to be rainbows and cupcakes when I'm on two wheels, as a parent, or as a worker. Only by giving up on the poutiness am I going to give myself room to grow.

Satuhdee mornin' Pensive.

"I never really had a broken heart, you don't believe me, just look in my chest,
While some people like to run and hide... I've never really been undone..." - Dr. Dog, "Broken Heart"

Choose not to be undone :) Check your responses to what surrounds you. Make the choice to be happy. Do the things that bring you joy. Find joy right where you are.

I never planned on momming. But it happened to me... sometimes it's tough for me to find joy in the things I didn't choose for myself, the things that happen. Sometimes momming is tough, when I've said for the millionth time in a day that it isn't okay to pounce on the dog or pull his tail. This thing that happened... at first I thought it might break my heart. That tiny person who stopped my dreams in their tracks.

But those dreams were petty. They were built on things that didn't matter as much as I thought. I learned to go with the flow and see where life took me instead of chasing purpose. And fancy this: I'm a happier person.

Things are rolling in my life in a spectacular way. I learned to do less muddling when things are tough and enjoy those moments as much as I can... why not? They're my moments, my family's moments.

I love who motherhood has made me. I'm grateful for the chance to mom my precious, rambunctious, unpredictable, curious, sometimes mouthy and recalcitrant little boy. I only hope I can do the job I've been given to the best of my ability, to mom with ahimsa and understanding.

Happy Mother's Day, lovies!