Growth Mindset

This year so far, if I could give it a title, would be called, "The Year of Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable."

Playing in a huge window in NYC

The summer when I was ten, the divider between third and fourth grade, I sat down to write a book. I could see the idea in my mind, crystalline in all its juvenile detective noir goodness, but when I started something awful happened. Somewhere, there's a little black diary with hearts all over it, with a starting paragraph that stops abruptly. All because, CLICHE. I wrote down the phrase, "... little did she know..." and I never picked up a pencil for anything but academic writing and teenage poetry until a couple of years ago when I finally felt comfortable enough -- or deep enough in existential crisis -- to trust myself to write the strange worlds in my head.

I was still terrified of the thought of sharing my work. What if someone found out I was an amateur hack? Or even worse, an imposter. Because to any kid who came of age during the nineties, whether you preferred grunge, hip hop, or pop, being a creative poseur was literally the worst thing you could be. To be a poser was to be unacclaimed, unauthentic, disingenuous. So I started slowly, sharing little stories here and there, with friends and family. But a creator can't grow with only pats on the back. I need to stand up for critique.

Thanks to a random meet-cute on New Years Eve, I found my way into a local writer's group. I gradually began to share, and the first time was a disaster. But I heard critical thoughts I desperately needed to move out of the first stage of the Dunnen-Kreuger scale and understand I'm not prodigious or a wunderkint. And that's alright. Because I am an amateur, with so much to learn, and I'm grateful for this chance where I am in my life.

Speaking of growth, I've also spent the winter learning a completely new skill. I started working with a friend at events for Cycle for Survival, and this has proven to be a whirlwind of learning and growth for me. Before the first event weekend, I listened to a guided meditation from Positive Energy Magazine on YouTube about trusting that we have unbelievable abilities stored up inside us, just waiting for the need to arise so we can unlock the vault and dig down deep to find just what we need. Great challenge means great growth.

The delightful team I've been lucky to be a part of

I used to believe the lying voice that tells me that if something is hard for me, it must mean I'm not good at whatever the challenge is. I'm learning to trust that I can tackle any task, and while it might not be easy, I can learn to be comfortable outside of what I know. I am definitely an amateur, but my creations are authentic and genuinely mine, and I won't stop learning to be a better and more adept creator of beautiful things, so I can give the visions justice.