Lately, I have found myself in some sticky, tricky situations.
I am learning that I know pretty much absolutely nothing.
No one tells anyone adulting is like this. So I am here to say it.
If you are growing and expanding, trying things and accepting new responsibility, there will be a time when you realize you have no clue what you are doing.
Can we just set aside the shame?
Can we say to ourselves, maybe loudly,
I am 36 and I don't know what I am doing.
Ew. Did that feel yucky? That's ok. Of course, you wouldn't say you were 36. Unless you actually are, and that's a good time to figure out your knowledge fills a tiny pool. That pool might be deep and specialized, but it's still just a pool.
Are you hopping from pool to pool? Pool hoppers, I hear you. Hopping is easy, and you think you've really paddled around, but then there are all these fathoms beneath you. They're down there doing what fathoms do, stretching away into black, and this pool contains way more than you thought.
Whether you're someone changing the size of your own pool or you're a hopper sinking deep, brace yourself, because I have some crazy advice. You'll have to use your voice again. Clear your throat and maybe grab your phone.
ASK FOR HELP.
That's right. Most of these pools you land in have other occupants. There's no reason to feel frantic and alone. Ask a friend, ask a coworker, ask the previous director. Ask them to join you for coffee. Invite them to lunch. Send an email and admit it: you don't know anything about anything, even though you know something about something, and you desperately need some help to learn more about something so you can do your job really well. Accept beginnerness. Regardless of your age and the expectation that you should already KNOW.
If last year was my year to be ridiculously comfortable being uncomfortable, this is my year to accept that I know way less about nearly everything than I ever thought I did. Management, production, publishing, sewing a cuff on a shirt, teaching. My awareness has expanded (occasionally under duress!) to the point where I am clued into the massive collection of knowledge outside the circle of what I know. Is this the Dunnen-Kreuger effect on a grand scale? Likely. Does it ever get better? Unknown. All I know for sure is that I left safety and surety behind a while ago and to get it back I would need to go back to living smaller. And I want to grow.
