A Tell of a Hun - See What I Did There?

A few weeks ago, I received a message from an acquaintance on social media. We may have spoken all of three sentences to each other, ever. All the red flags went up for me, leaving me feeling like Tootle the train in the tale of his travails off the track. Gosh, this blog is going to be full of references no one understands. Tootle is a train who discovers a beautiful world off the rails. When the trackmaster and engineers discover he is off track, they create hundreds of red flags to guide him back to the tracks where he belongs. Red flags = danger.

Look, there is nothing like being approached by those we perceive as the "cool kids", only to realize they are giving you the time of day solely for their personal gain. Wait. This isn't junior high anymore. Or even high school.

Still, even though I knew what was happening, that I was being hunned, it might have stung a little to have someone approach me and ask me fairly personal questions, then abruptly end the conversation when I tell them I am not interested. Even though I knew their play book. Even though I saw the red flags waving. Even though I didn't even play into the script. And then they just ghosted. Poof, gone, into thin air.

I know they were just doing what they do, and it's how they make money, but it seems so unethical.

But okay, shall we flip the calendar pages back a bit to the first of July? I was in Boston and had just finished a contract date for my job. I was feeling good. Optimistic. I looked out the window of the hotel room at the rough-around-the-edges city of Boston, realized it was the half year, and made a half year resolution. As an introvert (INFP), I self-protect often and am lazy about friendships. Then I hear about people having fun without me, when I should have been invited, and despite the fact that I nearly always decline invitations to do fun things, I find myself feeling disappointed. So, I resolved to be more intentional about my friendships. To be more vulnerable. To - gasp - invite people over to my house.

Now, fast forward to the hunning. Wait. Is that reference lost on you, too? Okay. Urban Dictionary defines "Hun" as:

"A term used women to address others in a condescending manner.

Often used by pyramid scheme selling moms when approaching a potential customer."

I'm using it as a verb here, but you get the idea.

But here is where I find the meat of the situation. This person was extremely intentional about getting to know me, understanding my situation, and finding a way to connect. This is the take-home. If I am serious about meeting the metrics I set forth for myself in that hotel room, I need to work from the Playbook of the Huns. Maybe we all should, in this era of fragmegration and fragmentation, of too much time spent building a life on-screen rather than off. How can we see people for who they really are? By meeting them where they are, by asking them who they are and what makes them who they are.

Maybe, just maybe, the Huns have a secret we can use to be better people, the build a kinder, healthier, happier society built on acknowledgement of individual identity, understanding and compromise. Lets just make sure we stick around instead of ghosting.