A Turning Point

Please, please watch this video. If you don't, I might come shake you.

Did you watch it? Good. If not, lock your doors.

Everyone (I hope??) can probably tell you about turning points in their lives. Moments where it seems every inch of fabric in their life's story culminated in this shattering symphony where you realize more about who you are and your purpose on this earth. You may scoff at mine... you may disagree with mine. But in those moments, you "couldn't be any youer than you," and hopefully you're like me and a lightbulb clicks on in your head.

I could tell you my salvation story. It's not glittery... it's gritty. But I don't think salvation comes in that single moment, not like we would like to think. Increasingly, as a Christian, I think our salvation comes daily, not earned, but we accept it daily, living in thankful commune with God. So I can't tell you that's a distinct turning point in my life. Sometimes I wish I could. I know some of my readers don't identify, in whatever way. I'm fine with that. I don't need anyone's approval.

The true turning points in my life all happened late. One, the main one, is when I set foot on a hybrid bike with a chain that needed to be replaced, after I graduated and had been set adrift out in the wilderness that is life without purpose. I fought against the bike for a long time. I couldn't be friends with it. It was powerful. It scared me. I made nice with the bike and my place on the road when I was training for my post-partum insanity half Ironman. But you guys already knew that.

What I've never said... the bike saved me. It saved me from something lacking inside me, a lack of understanding of what I can be. It fulfills my carnal need for adventure. Like the fellow says in the video... the bike can be our greatest medicine.

But we have to let it be. We have to lose our fear... fear of the roadways, fear of pain. But isn't that the way it is with most things worthwhile? The risk of pain makes most great things what they are... love of a mate, love of a child, love of family... You can't live life insulated, afraid to hurt. Give up on the padded comfort and safety of convenience foods and your couch and all that. Statistically, it isn't safe anyway... and it's much more dangerous than the empowered alternative.

Go do something dangerous and rewarding. I challenge you, beseech you to do that today. It's Sunday. Seriously. Be an ordinary person who does amazing, challenging things. And if I can make a suggestion, do it on a bike. That's just my preference, though.

What's the weather...?

It's time for one of those state of the union sorts of posts. A little bit about what I've done lately, what I'm doing now, what I will be doing. No ridiculous suit and tie or posturing, though. My days in politics ended long ago...

My first century... fun. Uneventful, thankfully. Things got a little gritty towards the end, but I kept it upbeat, kept my cadence high, and sailed through to the end. I had good company. I hope I was good company. I saw stacked rock at at about mile 100, that mentally carried me through to 102.5. My unusual craving of the day was a big mac and lemonade. I had the latter, skipped the former.

I had a wild idea to go climb Alto the next week. Rider's high or something... a desire to not rest on my laurels. My friend convinced me we should go climb the other side of the mountain, the Sherwood climb, as well. While Alto is what I call a spiritual vision-quest sort of experience, Sherwood is extended, manageable pain that keeps giving. You're climbing a mountain... it isn't supposed to be easy. So we did that, and I descended Alto for the first time ever that day. All in a day's work!

Ever since the century, my right knee has been a little tender. I remember a conversation with the fellow at Acme during my bike refit last year, where he said he'd really like to move my seat up a little to get my legs at a better angle. I cringed at the thought, since we'd just dropped my headset all the way down. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I'm wishing I had taken his advice after I'd become a little more accustomed to my new riding position. I'm taking a few days off to let the inflammation go down, and I moved my seat up a bit this morning. I've been feeling a bit cramped as I kick over the top of my pedal stroke, and really should've taken that as a warning sign. I have a few more adjustments to make, and will take the bike out sometime next week to see how I feel. I think a road bike that is set up properly for riding out of aero position is in my very near future. Until then, RICE, some light strength training to strengthen my VMO, and off to the pool I go.

This gentle rest time came at a good time... I'm in the midst of preparing to act as the SAG lead in the Elk River Valley 100, as well as proxying for Paul as the director of food stops since he's out of town. Not too stressful, I suppose, but I'm a worrier, so I've been going crazy lately. I've enjoyed the preparations over the past few months, and want to be sure everything works out perfectly.

Speaking of bike rides, here's what I have coming up: Bike MS Ride to Jack and Back. Paul did this last year, and I drove SAG. This year, I'll be riding, pedaling over 160 miles in two days, and I'm very excited, and a little bit nervous. It's an exciting ride for me, though... I know two people who have been diagnosed with MS. One is a fellow I ride with from time to time. Stephen has refused to let MS rule his life; he's highly ranked nationally amongst cyclists, and never ceases to amaze or inspire. I can't brag about this kid enough. If you need a face and name to go with MS, and success in spite of it, he's a good one. A close family member has also faced diagnosis with MS. She has maintained a positive attitude, no matter what, stays active, and continues to pursue life as she wants it. I'm so proud of her :) These two inspire me... when my legs get tired over those two long days of riding, instead of my usual mental argument with my body and mind, I'll turn to them. They're the reason I'm riding those miles. I want them to know I love them and support them, and am fiercely proud to know them.

If you would like to donate, please visit my participant page, as linked from facebook.

And finally... in the stream of love. My thirty days of self love.

How'd it go? I don't know. I think I'm a happier, healthier person than I was a little over a month ago. I don't think self perception changes immediately. Even over thirty days. But maybe the changes in how I perceive myself were so gradual that I didn't even know myself. I do feel confident lately. I feel that my future is bright. I feel like I can tackle things. I feel trust for who I'll be in the future, so that I don't have to rush to be her. That's not to say I don't have dark days; I can't change that aspect of who I am. I am naturally a doubter, particularly when it comes to myself. But I can't fight that... that's part of me. If this psychological exercise has taught me anything, it's to be accepting of myself, flaws and all. I think that's the intent. Not to necessarily see yourself in a better light; no one is perfect or always good. To think that would be a lie. I think this was designed to learn to love who you are, good and bad. And that is what I've learned.