Stillness.

I'm an addict. I love progress, the sense of moving ahead, being more/better/greater/stronger than yesterday. I haven't felt that in a while...

But I'm making progress. Over the past few days, I can tell - I'm getting better. Yesterday, I did a full battery at therapy for the first time since I started going. I learned a little extra about my biomechanics, and what my legs are doing when I'm on the umpteenth mile of a training run. And those little problems, those things that don't go quite right? They're fixable. Repairable. Even better, those small changes will undoubtedly improve my cycling ability. And in dealing with my weaknesses, I'm reminded: Everything is connected.

Whether it's my tendons and joints or my life sequence, it is connected.

I was brought to this place for a reason, and not just to experience the dark instead of the light. I was brought here, to this moment, to recognize faith. Faith in things I don't see. Faith that even though I'm being still, physically and mentally, even though I don't feel the movement, I'm still hurtling through the black chasm that is space. I have no point of reference in the dark, but I'm shifting forward all the same. I'm in the dark that when I'm once again in the light, I might once again appreciate the sense of motion I feel, and the way that fuels my emotion.

I love the things I do. Sometimes I let my driven, goal-oriented, type-A personality get in the way of the sheer enjoyment of training and going for a run, hopping on the bike, or swimming. Maybe I even allow myself to end up in a rut where the only things that matter are the numbers... I should want to go fast mostly because it's fun and feels good. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do well, but that has to strike a balance with just having fun. I'm reminded of a book we have for Hobbes, called Mike and the Bike...

"But most of all they're just riding and having fun."

I was brought here, into these dark moments, to let my character continue to form. In the dark stillness, my mind and heart lie fallow, ready to be sown. And how they've been sown, and what fruit will they produce when the time comes for me to pursue what I've found in these moments. I was brought here to look forward, to think of more than today, more than negative splits and lap times. I found myself here to find myself in the future. I time traveled in the dark. And I like what I see.

Now, I see these moments of stillness are temporary. The anticipation to return to the full speed pace of my journey is palpable. But for now, I will wait. I will wait in this stillness, resting for the road ahead, pondering not only why I am here, but charting my course ahead in the dim light that I suddenly see drawing nearer as the tunnel begins to open.

But today... for just today... my quads are sore. And it is glorious.