A Few Words on Feminism and The Femme Who I Am

I love all my girlfriends, girl acquaintances, girls I follow in Instagram and barely know, girls I don't know at all. I love them, work to encourage them, and want them to live fulfilled lives in their respective paths. I get this from my rowdy, "Mama Tried" badass kind of mother, an inherited mindset that we women should stand behind each other and be shared encouragers and enablers in the best of ways, because really, women need to be on each others sides. My mother is also a little old fashioned, southern, and well-raised, and would never complain about the patriarchy... Unlike yours truly.

This morning I found myself scrolling through Facebook (morning ritual, anyone? Chai and Facebook...) when I happened upon an opinion piece in Haaretz about French municipalities and their decision to ban burkinis from their local beaches. For the sake of brevity and avoiding arguments, I'll ignore the socio-political implications of this legislative action.

"Anyone who defends the rights of women to bare their shoulders, legs, and hair must also defend the right of women to cover them up. It isn't up to powerful men to dictate what women will put on their bodies." Allison Kaplan Sommer

I used to think feminism was bad; it tends to be given a bad name, especially in the conservative circles in which I used to run. The stereotype is wrong. Then I became a liberal, no makeup wearing, solve the problems of the world kind of girl, who thought her way of living might be the best. No one should feel like they have to get up in the morning and spend hours getting ready. If you do, I secretly judged you. Smugness clouded my vision.

In true late-blooming, perpetual-growth style in which I seem to function best, however, I've recently come to the conclusion that I've fallen prey to a particular level of bias that isn't good for my fellow women. As a liberated woman, it isn't my job to tell other women how to live their lives. I'm no better than a tool of the patriarchy then.

"I don't need to be kind to the armies of night that would do such injustice to you,
Or bow down and be grateful and say 'Sure, take all that you see,'
To the men who move only in dimly-lit halls and determine my future for me..." Fleet Foxes, "Helplessness Blues"

No. As a woman, it is my responsibility to respect how other girls choose to live their lives. Real feminism is more yogic and kind than I initially perceived, telling each other "Namaste" with intention. Namaste Feminism (I'm coining this... Maybe it is already a thing.) says, "You live your life differently from me, but that makes you beautiful and wonderful." As the years of my life go by, I realize we have to find common ground, and see what is amazing and beautiful in others. We have to see the beauty in how others choose to live their lives, or we run the risk of miring our hearts and minds in intolerance, which is toxic. Toxic to our innermost selves, to our relationships, to the world around us. The only things I won't tolerate are hate, violence, and ignorance. I won't tolerate the intolerance to which these things give birth.

As women, we have the ability to be game changers, problem solvers, people who can change the world. But we have to learn to work together, to communicate, to compromise, to care. We have to enable that in each other.

So... My friends. I lovingly respect your right to wear lipstick every day, straighten your hair, and go all out. I also respect your right to roll out of bed, throw on yoga pants and watch Stranger Things all day without showering. (Ehem...) I respect your right to work at an office, at a barn, in a field, at home in the kitchen, in a pulpit, anywhere that gets your heart churning and makes your mind vibrate with joy. I trust you when you decide to cover up or bare all. I respect your right to raise your kids any way you please, so long as you're raising kind little people who care for others. (even when the circumstances are uncomfortable. especially then.) People who live gently and with love. I respect your right to think and believe what you want (as long as your actions don't infringe on the rights of others). I respect the way you choose to show the love inside you, across the spectrum of relationships. I respect you, I affirm you, I send love your way. I love you, not in spite of who you are, but because of who you are. Namaste.