Checking In

I have neglected this particular medium the past few months, regrettably. I won't promise to do better, because I can't give guarantees as such, but check in I will, for check in I must. Sometimes I find myself sitting, and I say, "Oh, hey, self. Shall we write a blog post?" And so I do, because something within compels me.

I still ride some, here and there, on days when my body seems to be functioning at a level which allows me to exert myself. Maybe someday my ferritin stores will be topped off in such a way as to support a return to proper fitness on the bike. These days, though, I am happy to be able to ride and feel well afterwards. This approach is fine for me, and when I find myself particularly hung up over what I have lost, I remind myself of a few things, including the study I read that said that humans who aren't hyper-dedicated to excessive exercise typically express longer life spans. Whatever... it helps me rest at night.

Possibly I am overly devoted to yoga, but probably not even that. Something I have discovered is my longing and need to explore what I think of as authentic movement, mobilizing my body to do the things it was meant to do, and finding ways to express that movement in daily life. Part of that is yoga in its many shapes and forms, but it also manifests in simple things like squatting to fold laundry or clean the floors, walking barefoot more often, low-level-super-easy parkour (especially while hiking), and anything that contributes diversity to the way my body moves.

That exploration, seeing what my body can do on a given day, and challenging it to do things my mind questions, are part of a bigger picture issue with which I am currently grappling. As we age, my observations tell me that we are often willing to let our minds and body stagnate in deep ruts we have been creating since we were in junior high or high school. I don't want to accept poor coordination, lack of proprioception, loss of agility and acuity of both mental and physical aptitude as the status quo as I age.

Last year, in February or March, I decided that before I turned 35, I needed to test what I thought of as my boundaries. Feet over head in air. Standing on a moving plank of wood. I spent the past few months experimenting with cartwheels and dives from the edge of the pool, headstands and handstands. Other than tweaking my back a little while practicing diving, (ehem... bad form...) I haven't gotten hurt. Bruised and banged up from time to time when I fail to clear the area well and I fall out of an inversion, but nothing to write home about. Currently, working on standing on a skateboard. I want to challenge myself with delicious, unique movement.

Mentally, I've been exercising with books. (I read 12 books during December and January, and am taking a short break before I pick up with Moby Dick...) I've also taken a plunge, and have begun to flex my artistic muscles with clothing design, creative writing, gluten free baking, drawing, anything I can manage to gather into my grubby little paws. I find myself feeling like a truly full human as a result of this approach, like I am getting to know myself better, love myself better, which helps me be a better person in my own house and everywhere else.

The boys and I also took a trip to Mexico this year. I stepped off the boat in our first port of call, and was so grateful to be outside the US. I know I have a good life, and I know the luxury of that experience, but I hunger so for variety and for opportunity to experience something other than what I see every day, and I was so happy to be out of the country for the first time in around 15 years. Hopefully I won't have to wait so long for the next escape.

I want to live my best life, to see as much as I can, to feel as much as I can, to do as much as I can, and increasingly to create as much as I can. I covet the total human experience. To find out that the steps on the pyramid at Chichen Itza form a serpent in the shadow of the sun on the equinox. To maybe publish something insightful and beautiful and challenging and affecting. To create beautiful, wearable, relevant garments that make the lucky wearer feel amazing and ready to conquer. To see and recognize and appreciate beauty in all its forms. To love and be loved. To help. To move in ways that are authentic to my body and my journey. I want discovery. I want adventure. I want freedom to explore what my life can give.