In the midst of my thirty days... The Slow Trajectory

I think you guys caught my drift a few weeks ago... right? I like (most of) how I look now. There are things about my body I can't change, like my upper lip and my thighs. But I wouldn't look like me without my upper lip. And my thighs are my best accoutrement on the bike, because more muscle mass = more power, generally speaking.

There are things about me that drive me crazy though. Lack of career success. Lack of racing success. It frustrates me sometimes... Then I'm reminded that I work hard to follow the path less traversed.

The other day, I was thinking about a situation that happened about three years ago. I was working a dead-end job, making my student loan payments, and frantically searching for a real job. I was grasping at straws. I had been since I graduated. I was applying for jobs that didn't excite me, and a few that did. I got lots of interviews for the former, yet nothing happened, even when I was highly qualified. And for the latter? Nothing. No interviews. No phone calls. Nothing.

I couldn't figure it out.

Now I'm happy with the way things turned out. I'm enjoying seeing who I've evolved to be, and I tend to think the person I am under my current circumstances is better than the person I would have been under those other circumstances. Dave Matthews questions, "Could I have been anyone other than me?" And sure... I could've. But I think my slow-trajectory course fits me well. It has allowed me and my understanding of the world, my intelligence and emotions, everything about me, to grow, to become... more. More empathetic, more learned, more driven. It has taught me that slow, hard work wins out over quick fix solutions, and that our lives are not a singular destination, but a path and journey.

I used to lament what I felt were failures. Failures to excel. Failure to find a career like you're "supposed" to do after you graduate. Life milestones.

Then one day, my friend told me that, "Work will always be there."

And she's right. I haven't failed. I have the rest of my life to achieve. Right now, I think my job is to just be. Be me. Be fun. Be whatever I want. And enjoy it. To be patient, to be kind, to be in love, to learn. I can't have a lifetime of achievement if I hit my high note too early. This is my chance to love myself, where I am, to grow in love, to become who I'll be when the next stage rolls around.

The Dalai Lama says:

“If there is no solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it.” 

Greg LeMond, notably the first really great American cyclist, has this to say on the subject of achievement:

"I have always struggled to achieve excellence. One thing that cycling has taught me is that if you can achieve something without a struggle it's not going to be satisfying."

I often get frustrated with who I am, right now. I am impatient with me today, and can't wait to be me tomorrow. But I can't be who I will become tomorrow without lovingly nurturing who I am today. I can't separate the two. They are intertwined... so why not love myself today? I'm great today. I'm who I'm supposed to be today. Who I am today is not a problem to be solved, but a challenge to be met, day after day.

 Love yourself. Where you are. Right now.