Thirty Days

"And these are what make man great / His ladder to the stars" - Timshell, Mumford and Sons

A new kind of challenge for myself. One of the mental variety.

Sometimes (often times...), I'm far too hard on myself about one thing or another. I feel like I don't measure up to the expectations of others, or particularly myself. I've always said I should be willing to hold myself up to these standards, because no one else will.

But who am I fooling anymore? I'm not in school. There's no standard of excellence in my world, no 4.0 GPA, not scale of pay. As an adult, doing is excellence. Action is betterment. This doesn't mean giving up is ever an option, or not trying to do my best.

A couple days ago, I started a challenge that I feel the need to tell you guys about. It's a challenge to grow in love with who I am, so that when I reach my goals, I can love who I will be. Because, if I'm not satisfied and really, truly, head-over-heels crazy about who I am now, why would I be happier with myself when I reach my goals? Whether it be career, fitness, or appearance related, why would those things make me any happier than me, now, here, where I sit?

I happened upon this idea in a documentary, Hungry for Change. What good does it do me to nurture my body, and to leave my heart and soul untouched? It has to be a relational change, so I can grow to be who I will become.

You are precious. You are loved.

I'm reminded of the verse, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Don't like the Bible? Great... you are an exquisite rendering of all biology, physics, chemistry, and history. We are the culmination of thousands of years of regenesis of star dust, with the superior ability to think and to do. You are worth loving. Think about it.

When we love ourselves, we can love others more greatly.

So, for thirty days, I will look in the mirror twice daily. I will tell myself I love myself. I will say:

"I accept myself unconditionally, right now."

You should try it too. 

It seems like it should be simple. And yet, do we really love ourselves, where we are?

I'm not perfect. I screw up. I get angry. I feel like I'm not the best at climbing hills on the bike. I burn dinner from time to time. I yell at my child. I yell at my husband. But I have to love myself now. Life is far too short to spend my days frustrated with who I am, and frustrating those around me.

It starts now. Loving myself. Loving who I am, so I can better love others, and love who I am to become.