Big Steps, Baby Steps.

I haven't taken the time to write in a while. Sometimes I sit down, type a couple paragraphs, start chasing the proverbial rabbit, and discontinue my composition. I want to express myself well. Always. I'm aiming to blog at least once a week for the month of September. Maybe I can keep that up even after these weeks of writing are over. The written word is my drug of choice... especially since I've given up caffeine. Sometimes I think I should write simply to write, in a less public forum. In a notebook, full of my thoughts and short stories, to hone the craft of wordsmithing even more. Who knows... someday maybe I will.

But right now, my life is religiously devoted to a few intricately woven threads. Paul's race... much of our family's energy is engaged in propelling him toward a good, injury-free race day on September 28th. I can't wait to cheer him across the line. As always, momming is the utmost priority... it's my vocation, what I do. I'm also seeing this curious light at the end of the tunnel, one where Hobbes goes to school, one I waited for, for so long. But now that I see it, I'm left feeling a little lost, like I'm not sure what I'll do with myself when he goes off to regular school. I'm sure it'll flesh out, and I'll find a new avenue for myself. Maybe it'll be one where I continue to stay home, stoking the home fires, or perhaps any of another million options I think about daily. Time will tell. I'm in no rush to find out.

The one thread, the thing that holds me together, the lock that has kept me spending time with my IM training husband... the glue... the bike. I did something new-ish Monday, a step I've wanted to take for a while. I went for a ride with the faster folks, with the safety net of a no-drop ride. But without the husband-along-to-rescue-me safety net I rely on all too often.

It was an easy ride for them, I'm pretty sure. A little breathless for me in places, climbing hills that even a year ago would have elicited tears instead of the occasional f-bomb that escaped my mouth the other day. Hanging on in the flats where in the past I would have been dropped. It felt good... it feels good... to see my hard work, all those miles and hours... paying off, pedal stroke by pedal stroke. I hope there's more of this to come. Someday, maybe I'll hang on without the promise of a safety net. Right now I'm grateful for the people who believe in me, coach me, and encourage me to try new, harder rides.

So today, cheers to being a stronger rider and writer, chasing the unending, always moving goals of personal growth, sometimes with big steps, sometimes with baby steps.