Live and Learn

Sometimes I decide I should do crazy things.

Last summer I decided I'd like to try racing crits. Everyone I spoke with told me I should try road racing first so I could get the hang of riding in a peleton. After about the fifth person told me this, I bought into the idea, and figured it couldn't hurt.

The problem is, the more I improve, the more I'm aware of my weaknesses, and how those points of weakness will fail me in racing. There's probably a technical name for this as an actual cognitive bias, but for my intensive purposes, I'll call it the Impostor Champion Bias.

In the past, I was overly sure of my abilities. Paul would go out with the faster folks on a Saturday, and I'd say, "Oh, hey, I think I can keep up with them." Because I had seen my speed hit 20 mph. On a false flat downhill. With the wind at my back.

Looking back, I cringe at my previous indiscretion in appraisal of my ability on the bike. Anymore, I feel like I am fairly aware of my strengths, and how they play into certain situations on the road, and where I struggle, and what that means to me as a rider. I work hard (kind of...) to improve where I need to. I try to ride up more hills, and to be mentally present when I'm on the bike.

I'm still growing and learning. I know that. I also know when I'm not ready for something, but should probably try it anyway.

Over the past few months, some folks close to me have encouraged me to try a road race.

Over the past few months, I've come up with a million reasons not to.

These include, but are no limited to:
*What if I get dropped?? Shame of the city!!!
*What if I wreck??
*What if I suck it up big time??

Only one of those actually happened when I tried racing last weekend. I got dropped by the group, but I wasn't the lone girl off, and that helped me feel a little less like a bum. I rode hard the rest of the way, and was actually pretty pleased with my performance, given that I'm still in base training mode. (I started late, in January, prepping for later summer races I thought I might try.)

When I got dropped it was as much my cluelessness about riding in a race group as it was the fault of my training that left me in the dust. I learned a lot that day. Get into position as you take off. Do not get stuck at the back, because the slinky effect I experience in a group ride pace line is magnified in a race group. Also, a slight surge up a hill is going to happen when you least expect it. Be ready, and pay attention.

What else did I learn? They're all really cool, really talented girls. They didn't eat me alive, and when I fell off, it's just what happened. It was neither good nor bad. I have a baseline now, and I know the points I need to work on the most (hills, just like always), and where I'm strong, and I have a little experience in hand to work from when I try to race again later on.

I'm not some wunderkint girl cyclist who goes out and kicks ass and takes names in her first race. That's okay. It was fun anyway, and I'll do it again.