Outside the Cocoon

I referred to my period of Lenten sacrifice as a cocoon. But that cocoon didn't produce a butterfly.

I'm not sure it even produced a more reverent me. A better me.

I am good as I am. Not perfect, but that's okay. I'm a good mom, who likes to bake, loves to be on a bike, to help others. I enjoy the time I spend with my family and friends. I love beer, wine, and merriment, and I have a lack of willpower when it comes to food. I'm sweet to almost everyone, to a fault. I curse too much, but I'm fine with that. I'm real, I'm legit.

What Lent produced in me is mindfulness and introspection. Those things I seek so much.

I learned I was missing out on moments with my child because my time suck of a phone was stealing preciousness. It's a lesson I can't stop learning.

I failed to flex my willpower with sugar this time. I had good weeks and bad ones, good days and bad days. That's life. I just know I can't sit around and blame the food because it was sitting there. I picked it up and ate it. It's my own fault. If I don't get to a decent race weight, it's my problem for making poor choices.

And you know, I didn't do yoga every day, or meditate every day. I got sick, had an ankle injury, and got sick again. I focused efforts on yoga when I was able, and when I wasn't I didn't self-flaggelate. Things were simply as they were... I let go of control, and pretended to be a little more like water.

Finally... my fowl mouth. I failed, on some level, if you quantify success by a perfect record. If success is quantified simply by a change in mindset and approach to self-expression, a willingness to work to improve appropriateness, while still preserving Who The Hell You Are, I'd say I won on this account. I cleaned up my language to a moderate degree. Sometimes the only good verbage is the spicier variety of verbal seasoning, but I suppose I should work to improve and be publicly presentable. I mean, if you piss me off, I can't guarantee things aren't going to be really (really, really effing) inappropriate.

What do you want? A complete turnaround? That would imply that I don't like who I am.

To quote The Madre Monster, "I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way..."